Oh, my wife/husband was going to talk about it with our child.
You can't assume anything. Know who is going to have the talk, and make sure it happens.
Oh, I can't talk to my daughter/son, I'm a man/woman, and it wouldn't be right for me to talk to the opposite sex.
Someone has got to talk, and you may have information from another perspective as a parent of the opposite sex of your child. Also, it is not always wrong to bring in other family members of the same sex as your child to talk, like an uncle or aunt.
My child would never be involved in sexual activity.
You have no idea what influences your child receives at school, or friend's houses, or even on the TV. No one's child is immune to the pressures facing teens today to be involved in sexual activity.
My child doesn't know anything about sex, and if I talk to my child, he/she may be intrigued to engage in sexual activity.
Your child probably already knows more than you think, just from all the information that is out there through the internet, music, TV, friends, and more. You most likely will not be giving them information that they don't already have. You will, however, be opening communication and creating trust and honesty. Also, no kid is going to want to go out and have sex after hearing about it from his/her parent. Who wants to go out and do things when a big picture of his/her parent is staring them in the face, explaining sex and the decisions he/she will have to make.
There's no way I can talk to my child. We can't even talk about our days without fighting, let alone sex.
In life, as you already know, you have to do things you don't really want to or look forward to doing. By not talking, you are separating yourself more from your child, and not preparing him/her for the future and what consequences come with the choice to have sex. At times, you must buckle down and just do it. It may be hard, but the long term is worth it.
Amy Mashek, Youth Pastor and Mom-
"To make sure that they get accurate information and to know that they can come to you as a parent and talk to you about anything."
"I believe students have questions and fears and truly want to talk about sex with their parents, even if it might be uncomfortable. If home is a safe place for kids I believe it is important for students to get the information from people that they feel love them, are concerned about them, and will help them to have all the information needed for their safety and futures."
Joan Giebink, Mom and Concerned Citizen-
"Teens need to get the truth from their parents... the facts; you get the facts from your parents, you get the misinformation from your peers."
From Denise Witmer,
Your Guide to Parenting of Adolescents.
One important listening skill to use when communicating with your teenager is using Door Openers, as opposed to Door Slammers. Door Openers are open-ended responses that do not convey evaluation or judgment. Door Slammers are just the opposite. They convey to your teenager that you do not wish to have this discussion with them.
Examples of Door Openers
- "What do you think?"
- "Would you like to share more about that?"
- "That's a good question."
- "I don't know, but I'll find out"
- "I'm interested in what you are saying."
- "Do you know what that means?"
- "That sounds important to you."
- "Do you want to talk about it?"
Examples of Door Slammers
- "You are too young to understand."
- "If you say that again, I'll..."
- "That's none of your business."
- "I don't care what your friends are doing!"
- "We'll talk about that when you need to know."
- "That's just for boys/girls"
- "Why are you asking me that?"
- "You don't need to know about that."
- "Don't come to me if you mess up."
Source: Parent Effectiveness Training http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/disciplin1/a/comskills.htm