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Guilt vs. Anger


Hear ye, hear ye. Parents, this is for you. When thinking about having "the Talk" with your student, remember this: use guilt and disappointment, NOT anger. As students and youth, the general consensus among us is that threats and yelling are not extremely effective in talking with your child. First of all, your talk should be that, a talk�not a one-sided scream fest. Secondly, the moment a young person feels threatened, he/she will become more vulnerable and rebellious. However, if your teen feels that he/she has let you down, change will occur. Believe it or not, your child does love you. Amidst the insults and slamming of doors, there exists the thought that eventually things will get better. Once again, as teens we generally agree that if we feel we have disappointed our parents, we feel like a dog that has lost its puppies. Something in us yearns to please you, and it hurts us to see you hurt. Parents are always seemingly angry or upset about something (finances, work, etc.), and we usually feel that we are the cause or problem, so the anger and yelling are nothing new. But we will punish ourselves if we feel we have failed our parents. Disappointment is much more effective than anger. Take a hint�we use "guilt trips" all the time, and now its your turn to reverse it. -age 17


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